had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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