I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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