I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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