There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
