Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
