There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
