You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
