My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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