How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't deserve a penis
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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