There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
