You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
