i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Randomize
