I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
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Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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