I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
