I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
