we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
