You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
