2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
