a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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