She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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