Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You took a bar mat shot.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Couch. On fire.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
