if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize