I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
