Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
