after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So vagazzling was a success
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
