Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
