kristin has been a bad kristin
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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