Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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