I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize