They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
