No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
