Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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