Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
