I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
