Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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