I looked at my own cervix.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
