I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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