He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
