god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
