I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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