as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
