You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
