Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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