I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
