Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
