I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize