i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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