$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So many bounce houses so little time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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