is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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