my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
