My liver just broke up with me...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
