went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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