Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
