i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
