I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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