Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
