Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
