All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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