I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
