I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
