I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
