I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
