they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
