this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
