She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
