I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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