I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
