i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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