we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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