we have pet lesbian snakes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You ruined the universe
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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